


Of Pardons and Handshakes

by artsycat



Category: Bleach
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 16:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9244157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsycat/pseuds/artsycat
Summary: A few ichiruki one shots, drabbles, etc.





	1. Of Saying Goodbyes and Waiting.

Notes: Happens during ep 342 (i think????) uhh…. hope its okay, if it makes sense, then tell me, doesn’t make sense, then tell me,,,, nothing else to add lol, just a reminder, i love feedback, always a slut for it ;)

Word Count: 445

* * *

 

 **Her** study of him is immaculate and quick. She has it memorized, his wit and features – knows that a time like this will not come again.

Her hand is held in his, and it is much different than the first time she held it. Due to wielding his sword, callouses have made their way, but his hands were never soft to begin with, so she assures herself that she hasn’t changed him completely. She wishes to hold on indefinitely but knows that that is not an option, and will never be one. She lets go, and the thought of never holding such strong hands ever again threaten tears to escape.

But she accepts it in silence. She knows that this is for the best.

Ichigo is smart, and so very strong. Stronger than she ever thought he could be. But is she surprised? With Ichigo, she is used to surprises. She wonders what she will do without them.

_(She very deliberately does not think of Ichigo’s life without her.)_

There is sunlight and the weather is marvelous. The day is so bright, she can see his eyes shine pacifically and she blames her dizziness on the immensity of the sun.

_(But Ichigo is her sun, this she knows, this she will always know.)_

Strangely, leaving him is doesn’t hurt as much as she thought. They have both bid their farewells, and her faith in Ichigo exceeds beyond what her mind will allow.

But when she returns back home, back to her room, tears fall without her permission. She makes no sound, and sits there in the confines of her room throughout the night. If nii-sama has come to check up on her, then he makes no indication of his arrival. Perhaps he understands her loss, but she doesn’t dwell too much on it. It is a moonless night, and she wishes nothing more than for the sun to come out.

This is nothing like when she lost Kaein-dono; no she would remember the feeling of death in the air.

This feels worse.

She wonders if there is a word to describe the feeling of having lost someone who isn’t gone.

Silent pain, her mind screams nothing and her heart beats on.

Rukia knows that despite Aizen’s meddling, they both would have found their way to each other anyways. Too bound from the hands of souls and red threads not to. She wonders if they have met in a past life.

He is Ichigo. He is her saviour dressed up in happiness, and hope.

For Ichigo, Rukia is his salvation. Dressed in despair -  all hope.

She waits for him.


	2. Glowing Trees

Sunlight splashes into all directions as the green of the tree leaves encase their vision. The grass was at its softest as they both nestled against it. He turns to his right, the big black sunglasses sit on her face and an even bigger smile that somehow reminds him of a child, dimples crinkling and teeth perfectly aligned. There is a warm glow in the pit of his stomach, and a deep need to hold hold her in his arms. 

He’s missed her, he realizes for the hundredth time. And so he says as such.

She playfully elbows him in the ribs giving him a small, teasing smile which leaves as soon as it arrived. He wonders how it’s possible that the colours in his surroundings are now shades brighter. 

“You’re such a… Dork? Is that the word? Anyways, that’s what you are." 

A raised eyebrow. "Been reading the dictionary?”

He can see she’s trying very hard not to blow a raspberry in his face. He presses his lips together to hold in his laughter. “For your information, no, I haven’t. I’ve just been catching up on this worlds moving pictures,” He rolls his eyes at the fact that she refuses to call them movies, because, and to quote her, ‘that word doesn’t make any sense!’. "One of those sleazy romantic ones. The girl in the movie was arguing with her lover. She said, 'you’re such a dork’ then she kisses him.”

She pauses and stiffens, and he can _see_ her thoughts whirling around in her head. But, before she can rethink her words, perhaps even regret them, he speaks.

“Why were you even watching a film like that in the first place?” His large index finger comes to poke against the outside of her soft cheek.

She snaps out of her thoughts and gives him a look that’s supposed to be a glare but comes off as more of a childish pout than anything else. "Inoue asked me to, that’s why.”

“You could’ve just said no. Inoue would’ve understood.” Probably, _hopefully_. The girl was a bit _too_ unpredictable.

“Right, like it’s so easy. Now shut up, I wish to enjoy the sun’s radiance without your incessant and needless commentaries.” And just in the snap of two fingers, she becomes Kuchiki Rukia, sister of the esteemed Kuchiki patriarch. 

Ichigo grumbles off towards his side. 

But, as he looks up, he realizes that she’s right, in a way that only she could be right. The green of the leaves and grass, the sunlight filtering through the branches and dancing over their bodies. There really isn’t anything like a July’s warmth.

When he looks at her again, he finds that he’s wrong. 

There really isn’t anything like her smile.


	3. How the Moon Walks Away From the Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rukia finds that emotions are complex and that the mind lies - often.

_It’s just cold feet,_ her thoughts whisk away to last night, Ichigo’s smile, loving and joyful and fake, fake, _fake_.

 _It’s just cold feet,_ her arm on Ichigo’s, her eyes hardening, sharpening, inexplicable burning rage running through her veins because _dammit_ , why is he _acting_ like this?

 _It’s just cold feet,_ her voice rises to thunderous volumes, demanding Ichigo to explain his thoughtless words, and how could he even _think_ about leaving soul society, how could he even _think_ about leaving - she doesn’t say the word but it is heard anyways - _her_. 

 _It’s just cold feet,_ her mouth is on his, the moonlight glints off of his skin and in the dark of the bedroom, in the dark of her mind, his glow is the brightest, the warmest.

 _It’s just cold feet,_ skin on skin, his mouth covering her moans, her nails leaving red lines down his back. It’s awful and wrong, but her body craves his touch and her eyes crave _something_ she cannot admit to.

 _It’s just cold feet,_ he is gone before dawn break, but she can still feel the tingle on her cheek of the kiss he left.

 _It’s just cold feet,_ her anger has died down, but there is cold blooming in her chest, it is not sode no shirayuki’s whisper, but instead her own. Her spine shivers.

 _It’s just cold feet,_ her wedding gown is all white and beautiful. Her wedding gown is a bandage impossible to clean. Her wedding gown is a scream that will grab her heart and suffocate her.

 _It’s just cold feet,_ the wedding hall has the feel of a labyrinth. She clutches her brother’s arm tightly, but she can see the end of it - _escape_ \- and it comes in the shape of bright orange hair and eyes she cannot read.

 _It’s just cold feet,_ Renji stands there and she tries to extract the emotions from his face but Ichigo sits right there and when she speaks her vows, her voice does not tremble, will not tremble.

 _It’s just cold feet._ She reminds herself why she has not allowed herself to want him, the reasons why she does not deserve him. Ichigo is vast like the ocean, she remembers, larger than life. An ocean of happiness, and joy and hope. One that she cannot baptize herself in.

He walks towards the horizon, the sun hidden behind grey clouds. Inoue is beside him silently. She sees no words being exchanged, but cold spreads from her heart to her fingertips. It is her whisper again, unimaginable and ugly. 

And yet - the whisper is croon and smooth and nothing but the truth.

_It’s not cold feet._


	4. The Fault of Empty Lies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo finds out that when it comes to Rukia, he doesn’t care about a lot of things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For @deathberryprompts weekly prompt: Truth - Bridge - Knives.

The truth almost spills from his mouth, but something inside of him compels him to stop. There is Rukia, looking at him with confusion. Her midnight eyes that seem to glow in the darkness watch him warily – and he wonders, does the truth really need to be said when she can easily read it from his face? The walls of the room feel as if they might close in, and his stomach churns.

Of all the enemies Ichigo has faced, the truth is his worst. So the thing he says instead shouldn’t surprise anyone.

“I’m happy for you and Renji.”

The lie claws it way up from his throat and out of his mouth like bile, and just by looking at Rukia, it’s obvious she doesn’t buy the lie at all. Instead, her eyes harden and her body stiffens as if preparing for a fight. But there are no weapons for him to use, only a phrase that will hurt her, and hurting her is the last thing that he ever wants to do.

And besides, Rukia is so much more than. Much more than what his heart desires because hers is the most important. Therefore, he decides, this bridge _needs_ to be burnt. So that she has no choice but to move forward and to be happy.

But Rukia looks at him angrily, so angry like he’s never seen her before. Words spill from her mouth hot and quick and loud.

“-foolish, stupid, idiotic man! How dare you- “

Ichigo wants to blame it on the heat of their argument, or on the moon and how the light gleams off of her, effortless. But in the end, he knows there is no one to blame but himself – so, he leans down and presses his mouth to hers. And it’s hard, and awkward and definitely hurts a bit, but who _fucking_ cares? This is _Rukia_ , and she’s beautiful as always and he’s never realized how much he’s always wanted to kiss her. She is soft and sweet and wonderful and so much better than what his mind could ever create.

She pulls away abruptly, lips twisting away and she takes him in. As their eyes meet, hers shine pacifically and she looks so _sad_ -

She kisses him. Soft and tender, hands making their way up his scalp, stroking his orange spikes gently.

“You will _always_ be a great part of my life, Ichigo. Even if you won’t consider me as such in yours.” she murmurs against the side of his cheek, and her words hurt him, he realizes. With an icy, metal liquid, spreading from his chest through his entire being.

And yet, he still cannot tell her, but there are other ways to say truths without using words. Goodbyes and burnt bridges can wait. He knows that a time like this will never come again. So he doesn’t tell her the truth, doesn’t say the words that have been on his mind since the seventeen months she was gone, but instead shows her. His fingers dance around her smooth skin, and his mouth is on her neck, and there’s so much more. All he wants is to extend time so that he can tell her everything. From the useless to the important. He is so eager and his heart longs for her _so_ much-

But that is where it ends. And as sunlight seeps into the window against their bare backs, they watch each other. They say nothing. They part.

There is no goodbye. And the bridge is destroyed only halfway. He wonders if he will ever see her again.

* * *

Years later, when Rukia visits the man she once knew to her very core, her heart feels the pain of a thousand knives twisting their way in. Her breathing is erratic and she almost loses sight _because_ - 

Ichika… Ichika has Ichigo’s smile.


	5. Making Ends Without an Oath.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ichigo doesn't have a favourite colour.

“What’s your favourite colour?”

“I don’t have a favourite colour.”

“Huh. “The skid her feet make allows for dirt to mark its way over her shoes and the almost sunset brings a certain glow to her cheeks. He can’t stop staring. “Me neither.”

Chad and Inoue are with him, yet Ishida is still nowhere to be seen. Briefly, Ichigo wonders if he even will arrive. But he stops thinking about Ishida because he really doesn’t care whether or not he’ll be here on time, and instead turns to say hello to faces he hasn’t seen in a while.

Soul society is still in the process of rebuilding, but the people haven’t changed a bit.

At last, he sees Renji. 

“Nervous?” Ichigo inclines his head towards him, a small grin at the corner of his mouth.

Renji gives a huffing laugh, and brings his hand to the back of his head. “Just a bit,”

“Don’t be. You’ll be just fine.”

Renji turns to give Ichigo a grateful smile, one which he gives back.

And through the laughter of old friends, and smiles and hugs, Ichigo wonders why he feels raindrops on his skin when the sky is perfectly clear.

(He does not imagine, cannot imagine, because why imagine something that has already been? The war is over, and he is so tired, but Rukia is there and there’s steel in her eyes like he’s never seen before, and she looks just the way he did when he first met her. He remembers that day, when she sacrificed herself-

Sacrifice, Ichigo thinks, and brings his hand towards her, brushing her cheek. And that’s what she has done for him, time and time again. His throat tightens and Rukia looks up at him, confused.

The rain has stopped once again, and his calloused palm stays on the smooth skin of her face, his thumb brushing over the top of her cheekbone-

But Rukia does not stop him. The confusion leaves her and there is something Ichigo cannot recognize that settles on her face as she leans into his touch.

The sun sets, leaving elongated shadows of debris to shorten, and the first stars of the night are covered by indigo clouds.

He thinks about the words she once said, “That’s the kind of man you are in my heart,” He was nothing short of a boy back then, and he does not understand why he said this to him, whether it was to give him motivation or hope, he doesn’t know.

Now, he wonders as he leans down, her face just inches away from him, what kind of man is he in her heart?)

There is the morning. 

He does not visit her – thinks it’ll be disrespectful (she’s the bride, after all) - and his feet shuffle awkwardly as Renji looks at himself in the mirror for the hundredth time.

“Are you sure-” Renji starts off to say, but Ichigo sighs in annoyance.

“Seriously dude, you look fine.”

But it is after fifteen more minutes of bickering when Ichigo thinks he’s had enough.

His strides are long and fast, and he’s tying up his tie, and isn’t really seeing where he’s going, and he’s really not getting this knot right and Ichigo decides right then that he fucking hates wearing ties-

A door slides open and Ichigo halts in his tracks to look.

And there’s Rukia. Her gown is as white as can be and the veil is thrown over her face, and she looks-

She looks sad.

She backs up, startled, eyes wide with surprise. “Ichigo-?! I thought- I thought you were Hinamori!”

Ichigo blinks. “Hinamori walks like I do?” Although he’s never really met the fifth division fuku-taicho, he doubts that she walks around like a pissed off guy with wonky feet.

“Yes- no- I don’t know? I-” She places a hand over the top of her chest, shutting her eyes and evening out her breathing. Once her eyes are open, she moves to glare at him. “You scared me, fool.”

He almost smiles. “Yeah, sorry about that midget.”

Her glare intensifies, but instead of giving her a threatening look which he supposes she was going for, it makes her look more like pouting kid. “Ichigo if you call me midget again, I swear- “

And just ‘cause he’s Ichigo and he’s kinda in the mood to piss her off, ‘cause it’s been way too long since he’s last seen her, he says. “What are you gonna do about it, midget?”

There’s a flash of fury passing through her face and she flicks a finger at his forehead, but before he can say anything, she turns to grab his hand. “Since you’re here, you might as well be useful.” She murmurs and pulls him into the room with her, sliding the door shut as they make their way in.

She moves to stand in front of the full-length body mirror. “What do you think?”

(Rukia and him are arguing, but it’s not one he’s familiar with. All he knows is that he’s shouting, she’s shouting, and his injuries are still hurting and, fuck - why is she acting like this? 

“-lying! To everyone! Rukia - why am I explaining this to you? Don’t you understand?”

“Of course I understand! Of course I do, but there has to be a reason behind this decision, a good reason, I’m sure of it!”

There is silence in the room. Ichigo looks at the woman who has changed his entire world with disbelief.

His next words are calm and steady. “There’s no good reason to erase history.”

He leaves before she can say anything.)

“It looks good- I mean, wonderful! Really great! The most beautiful bride in the entire world!” He comments, albeit a bit enthusiastically but Rukia looks at him with a scrunched up faced as if to say ‘why are you acting like this?’

“Sorry. Been spending a bit too much time with Renji. The nerves are getting to him bad. I left before he could ask me how his hair looked for the hundredth time.”

She chuckles. “Heh, sounds like him.”

“Ahh- wait,” Ichigo says as he brings his hands to smooth out a wrinkle formed on the front of her veil. Once he’s satisfied, he puts his hands down, only to realize how close he’s standing to Rukia.

They both stay still. Taking in one another’s heat.

And that is where the illusion shatters. 

He does not close his eyes, does not walk away like a noble man should. Instead he stays. And breathes her in.

“Rukia- “

“Ichigo- “

Brown eyes meet deep violets ones. And there- Ichigo realizes, there.

Rukia is the woman who changed his whole world.

There is the first time he sees her. And she’s strange and short and has weird drawings, but then he gets to know her and her strangeness is familiarity, her shortness fits her demeanor and he finds that he kind of likes the drawings she leaves-

But there is so much more.

Because she is so much more. And he has always loved her, because of everything, and in spite of everything. Always.

“Inoue loves you,” she whispers.

This is news to him, but he doesn’t give away any emotion. “I don’t care.”

“Renji loves me,”

“I don’t care.”

“Ichigo-” and her voice chokes and something in him constricts painfully. “You’d be happy in the human world. There wouldn’t be any lies and you would be with Inoue and she would make you so happy- “

“I don’t care.”

“Why?” Her voice is almost a shout and she looks at him with life burning into her eyes.

Slowly, he responds. “Because you make me happy.” He cups her face in his hands gently as tears start to pour. “Because you, Rukia - I could never be with anyone else.” Softer, he adds. “Because of you…”

And there isn’t much needed to say, because that pause is all the confirmation they need, all the things he wants to say. I love you, You dried my rain, You made me happy, You made me cry, You made me feel, You make me feel, You are wonderful, You are everything, and How can I live without you?

She once asked him what his favourite colour was. He said he didn’t have one. He was wrong.

Yellow, He thinks as the warm sunlight dances off her face, her tears diminishing as she leans again into his touch. Yellow.

For the first time, Ichigo feels like the man he is in her heart. For the first time, he feels taller. For the first time he understands.

He and Rukia reach out to each other, and all that is left is love.


End file.
